One foot in front of the other...

Just recently, I was emailing with a co-worker who had just successfully completely his first half marathon. I asked how it went, in which he replied, "you know- there were a lot of hills, but after a while you just put one foot in front of another and eventually you know the finish line will come." I don't why, but his phrase struck a cord with me. Maybe because it is so basic, so logical, but somehow so profound.

Yesterday was a tough day- I'm not going to lie. Both my monkeys were sick, and moody. By seven o'clock , Austin had screamed successfully for an hour straight-- through dinner, bath time, bottle time, and books... By the time Joey finally got home, I was ready to flip my lid. I was actually so flustered at his never ending screaming, I had to take a moment to recompose myself outside. No it wasn't pretty.  If only then- in the heat of the moment- I would have remembered to pace myself. I forgot to put "one foot in front of the other"...rather I stumbled, and the stumbling got worse and worse with each scream. After my moment to myself, I felt remorse. I was sorry I had let him get to me. I was sorry, I, being the adult wasn't capable to take control of the situation and calm him down. I was sorry I let it escalate. Mommy guilt is a pretty shitty thing...  Instead of focusing on the moment, I let the past hour of crying really jade my present attitude. 


You know, after last night I really started thinking about the phrase, "one foot in front of the other,"and it struck me that I need to change my approach to life. So often do I go into new chapters, or events of my life and think of it in its entirety. Rather than breaking it down into manageable steps, I get overwhelmed with the big picture.

For example, just the other day I agreed to go running with a co-worker. We had committed to running a 4 mile trail. At the start of our run, I started feeling anxious about whether or not I would be able to keep up. My heart rate elevated, and instead of finding my rhythm in the present moment, I let the thought of the overall mileage bog me down. Unlike the situation with Austin, it was not the past events (screaming for hours) that bogged me down, it was the future- the miles I had committed to running.  That's when I realized I needed to stop obsessing over what lies behind, and what lies ahead, but be present.  I need to learn to focus on the task at hand. Running at this very moment... Parenting in this breath... putting forth my best effort right now... And knowing that eventually I see the finish line.  Some days the finish line is at the end of a four mile trail, and some days it is 2 sleeping monkeys and a bottle of wine... but I need to rest assure that the finish line will come. 

From One Soul to Another,
Be Present